So none of the animals were right with their march madness predictions, but what did you really expect from a bunch of animals?
In lieu of the recent events we have changed our predictions. Moose has completely forgotten what we were talking about. Lynx has thinks Duke will win with their tenacious defense and 3-point shooting. Bear has lost interest since there are no bear names teams left. Turtle is concerned that basketball might not be a very safe sport and has retreated into his shell to wrap his ankles to prevent a sprain. Cappy now loves the Butler Bulldogs because they have a cute bulldog that they take to all the games, and Cappy loves when humans take their animals to things, and he likes bulldogs.
The man loves the March Madness. Bear has also come to love all of the sportings on the moving picture box all the time because humans find it acceptable for Bear to get as drunk as he likes as long as there is sports on the moving picture box, no matter what time of day it is.
So Bear thought that the humans would like to know who Bear and the other animals thinks will win the Madness.
Bear thinks the Baylor Bears will win it all because they're bears and Bear got good odds on a bet with a human at the bar.
Lynx likes the Wildcats of Kentucky. Bear told Lynx that wildcats are more like cougars than Lynxs, but Lynx says he picked them based on thorough research, not because they're lynx-like.
Moose wants the Texas Longhorns to win, cause he likes animals with antlers.
Cappy wants the Wisconsin Badgers to win, because he thinks that badgers are a bit cappy like.
Turtle likes the Maryland Terrapins because, of course, they're turtles.
Gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!!!!!!!! Bear woke up today. Bear had such a nice sleep for the last couple of months. Bear went right to the white box and ate everything in it. Then Bear went to the park and looked under every rock Bear could find and ate all the grubs Bear could smell. One of the nice things about the city is that there aren't any other bears for Bear to share grubs with when he wakes up.
Then the man took Bear to a new beer store he found, just for bears:
Bear wasn't allowed to buy the big can of beer next to that bear in the picture, so Bear bought as many growlers as Bear could carry home. Growlers are obviously named after the noises bears make when bears drink beer. Bear likes bear themed beer stuff. Then Bear drank all the growlers. Then Bear went back to the beer store and refilled the growlers. Then Bear went home and drank them all again. Then Bear went back to sleep.
Bear thinks its nice that the humans have made a beer store, and a size of beer just for bears.
What the frak was this human thinking? Did he really think he could outeat a bear? Did he think he could distract a bear from eating? This human doesn't seem to understand his opponent very well.
Bear also thinks the other humans talking about the eating are funny. Its rather obvious what's happening. Bear doesn't really need a description to help him understand. Bear doesn't like when the science belittles Bear's intellect.
Bear woke up yesterday. Bear thought he'd just had a little nap but the girl told Bear that he's been asleep for 4 months. Bear isn't sure, but that seems like a long time.
Lots of changes in the new house. Lynx brought home a new Turtle. The Moose named it Turtle. Its tiny. The Moose likes to carry it around the house in his mouth. It can't talk much. Mostly just makes clicking noises. The Moose and Cappy seem to understand him though. Lynx has taught it to catch snow hairs so it keeps trying to bite Bear in his jugular. But its tiny so it doesn't hurt. Lynx brings it jellyfish from the market. It loves to eat the jellyfish. It gets a bit confused when it trys to find the jellyfish's jugular cause jellyfish don't really have bits like that.
Lynx found Turtle in a fountain in front of a nice apartment building. The humans had taken all the other turtles indoors for the winter but they had forgotten Turtle. He was cold and clicking sadly. Lynx felt bad and thought Cappy and The Moose needed something to amuse themselves with while Bear was sleeping so Lynx brought Turtle home.
Cappy loves to swim in the big white bowl with the turtle. And The Moose and Cappy like to flip turtle on his shell and spin and slide him along the floor and chase him. That game normally ends when Turtle throws up.
After Bear met Turtle and got him to let go of his neck, Bear got into the beers. Then Bear dressed The Moose up like a dog and took The Moose for a walk to the park the humans made and The Moose ate trees and Bear ate moths from under the rocks. Then Bear went back to the house and Bear and Lynx went up to the roof and smoked a left hander and Bear got into the beers again and Lynx had a couple martinies. Lynx has become such a classy drinker.
Bear doesn't know why, but Bear has made a den out of old newspapers and the man and the girls laundry in behind their couch. Bear has been getting so sleepy since it got cold out. Bear seems to remember this happening in the old house last year, but he isn't sure.
So sleepy, hard for Bear to stay awake to blog............. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz--grrr----zzzzz--grrrrrr----zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
The other day all the humans in the city didn't go to work for a special day. Bear found out from the internet that it was what the humans call Thanksgiving Day. Apparently the humans are happy that some other humans gave them this city and the white boxes full of food and cars and internet and pumpkins so the humans take a day to not go to work and they eat all day long instead. Bear loves this holiday.
To add to all the eating related fun the humans close off the streets so that some of the humans can get dressed up and walk down the street playing music and carrying giant versions of the characters Bear loves so much from the picture box without getting hit by those crazy yellow cars that drive so fast when Bear goes out walking. A man yelling at everybody said that this is called a macy parade. Bear isn't sure who this macy is but he thinks she's the one who made the white boxes full of food
Bear was especially happy that bears were well represented in this macy parade. Bear saw those building bears again. Even though Bear disagrees with these bears misleading humans as to how bears are really built, Bear is happy to see bears in the macy parade and not being shot. Bear took a picture see:
And Bear saw those funny Care Bears. Apparently they come down from their clowd city for this macy parade to spread happiness. You can see the grumpy one in the front. Bear didn't see the sleepy one --- he must have slept in; it was pretty early in the morning. Bear took a picture see:
The Moose and Cappy loved the macy parade. Bear loved the thanksgiving (eating). Bear thinks Lynx loved it all too although he wouldn't admit it.
Bear was walking The Moose and Cappy in the fake woods the other day when he found this monument to bears. Bear has noticed that the humans normally like to make monuments for funny looking old humans or large birds or funny shapes that Bear has never seen before. And the internet has been telling Bear about a lot of anti-bear speciesim lately, so Bear was glad bears are appreciated, and that The Moose and Cappy could see that sometimes the humans like bears and make monuments to them instead of shooting us.
Don't worry, it wasn't Bear. Apparently Bear isn't as special as he thought. It looks like lots of people in this Ohio place like to keep bears too. The humans in charge appear to let the humans not in charge keep bears, but as Bear has learned and told the other animals, if the humans catch you outside without a good disguise, they'll shoot you;
As you can see from my blog profile (its right over there, on your right paw side) Bear is a seasonal fisherman. For years Bear just caught fish and ate them when they were around, but then he found out that the humans would give him money when the fish weren't around. Bear isn't sure why, but he loves his Employment Insurance.
From the forms that Bear had to fill out to get his Employment Insurance he found out that there are lots of humans who fish sometimes too and get Employment Insurance the rest of the time -- so many of them that the humans have made Employment Insurance forms and don't notice when a black bear fills one out.
Bear has also noticed that although the humans love the fishes, they aren't very good as catching them. The use their Employment Insurance to buy all sorts of sticks and nets and hooks and clothes and boats and cages and make lots of internet blogs and put ads on the side of Bear's blog to get the fishes cause even though they have the useful opposable thumbs, they have no claws or jaws and they just don't seem very smart at getting the fishes. So Bear has decided to give the humans some fishes catching tips to go along with this instructional video that the man made to teach the humans how to catch fishes better:
1. Go to the woods. Bear has found that there are no fishes in the city (Bear would like to pause here and clairify that he is teaching humans how to catch fishes, as opposed to getting fishes. You see catching fishes means going to water and grabbing a fish with your teeth. Getting fishes means going to the white box or a store and giving another humans your Employment Insurance money and they give you a fish. This lesson is for catching fishes). If there are any they aren't good for eating, even for a bear. The funny man in the humans made woods with the stick at the water should take special note of this tip.
2. Find water. For catching fishes the water should be the type that has lots of fishes in it. This seems to be a hard part of the humans who seem to like to stand in water with sticks for hours where there are no fish. The humans need to smell the air better and listen to the clock in their brain to find when and where the fishes are.
3. Find a part of the water that is less deep. If it's not so deep, then the fishes have less water to hide in.
4. Find a fish. It should be big and slow and stupid looking. Again, humans don't seem very good at telling which fishes are big and slow and stupid. They seem to just try to get anything they can.
5. Follow the fish for a bit. This will help you learn how the fish is thinking and where it likes to swim. Humans normally just like to stand in one place, like they think that the fish is going to want to come over and make friends with them.
6. This is where fishing takes on a personal touch. Bear likes to just stick his head in the water (see video) and catch the fish. Other bears sometimes will swim with them for a bit. And other bears will use their paws to claw them around for a bit. This point seems to be the most hardest for the humans.
7. Find a good place on shore to hide from bigger bears and eat your fish. Bear knows that humans always like to put their food on a fire first. This is fine, but a bear might smell it and be too lazy to get his own fish and just come and take yours. You've been warned.
Now you humans are ready to go out and catch some fishes like a bear.
Bear is a 4 year old black bear. Bear lives in a house in a city with a nice man and a nice girl. A moose, a lynx and a capybara live there too.
Bear works as a seasonal fisherman, but Bear spends most of Bear's time napping and drinking beers and enjoying the modern convinces of human life -- especially the large white box that is always full of food. Bear has a credit card and an excellent disguise so Bear can go in public and buy things with his credit card. Bear collects Employment Insurance from the government for his seasonal work as a fisherman. Bear uses the Employment Insurance to pay off his credit card.
Albino Bear. These bears don't have any color and live in the snow. They're good swimmers. Bear met one once
Striped Bear. The internet likes these bears. They're media whores. They don't seem to do much.
Brown Bear. These bears are big and like to eat lots of fish. Bear knows some brown bears
Furry Bear. Strange looking bear. Like half way between the gray bear and the yellow boobie bear
Yellow Face Bear. This bear has a wrinkly face and looks like the dog in the store
Racoon Bear. Bear doesn't know this bear. But the man and the internet says they exist, so Bear supposes that they're really bears. He looks funny.
Yellow Boob Bear. This bear looks like bear, but with yellow boobies
Gray Bear. Bear likes these bears. They play in trees all day like when bear was a little bear and they just nap and eat all day
Capy Bear. Bear doesn't really thing that capy is really a bear, but he looks at this page and he thinks he's a bear and he would be hurt if he wasn't included
Paddington Bear. Bear isn't sure if this is a type of bear, but bear likes his disguise and likes marmite sandwiches so Bear put him on the list
Water Bear. These bears are tiny and are tough-ass. They can live anywhere but they look funny. They have extra paws
So none of the animals were right with their march madness predictions, but what did you really expect from a bunch of animals?
Posts
